21) The Sock Man

‘Sock it, Sock Man,’ Muscle Man said, flexing his abs as he laughed.

This happened at every meeting. Sock Man would try to contribute to the discussion of superheroes and then Muscle Man would flex one of his many muscles and tell Sock Man to shut up. He was the nerd of the group, and this was in a group which included Textbook Woman. The problem was, because Muscle Man probably had the most useful skill out of all of them, his word was gospel.

‘I just think if we spent money on better technology to track criminals rather than gym equipment-’

‘I said keep it shut,’ Muscle Man said, ‘We’re putting the money aside for a new swimming pool. Kelp Girl thinks it would be beneficial to her abilities.’

A girl with lank, green hair drooping over her eyes smiled at Sock Man as he went to complain. She looked like a fragile teenage girl who had built up a lot of courage to ask Muscle Man for the pool. Sock Man readjusted his sock mask and sat back down in his chair. The meeting went on like this with wasteful suggestions and boasting about arrests. Sock Man wished he had a better power. The best work he had done was give German’s gangrene during the war. It was difficult using a power which required to have no shoes on at all times to use effectively.

The meeting was adjourned with Muscle Man inviting everyone to his for a hot tub party. Sock Man was invited to these, but the one time he went he had been ridiculed the whole evening for not taking off his socks to get in the hot tub. He went home, watched television and fell asleep in front of the gymnastics; he liked watching sports which didn’t require shoes.

When he woke up, the wrestling was on. As he yawned and rubbed his eyes he saw the fight was between The Rock, a muscular tanned man who was the spitting image of Muscle Man, and Mankind, a chunky curly haired man who wore a brown leather mask and a tie. The Rock was pounding Mankind with heavy hooks until Mankind was knocked to the floor. The Rock tried to use his special move, The Rock bottom, which involved riling up the crowd and then running from rope to rope of the ring before performing an elbow drop. Before he could make it back in time, Mankind got up and used his special move; he had a sock on his hand which he stuffed into The Rock’s mouth, effectively choking him. The Rock tapped three times, signalling that he submitted. The ref’s bell rang and Mankind was declared the winner.

It all became clear.

When Sock Man arrived at Muscle Man’s house it was already dark inside. He rang the doorbell anyway. Sock Man heard a bottle roll down the stairs and loud swearing from inside. Muscle Man answered the door in a red robe. He held onto the doorframe with his large hand.

‘Sock Man, what the hell do you want?’

Sock Man lifted his hand up; on it was a sock with plastic eyes and a smiley face drawn in pen. It swayed in the air like a tamed snake, then darted like a viper at Muscle Man’s face. His screams were inaudible. Muscle Man tapped three times on the floor. There was no referee. There was no bell. But there was a winner.