6) Reptilians Ate my Homework

‘Run that by me once again Jefferson,’ Mr Mahoney said.

‘Sophie’s lizard ate my quadratic equations,’ Matt Jefferson said.

Tanned girls sat at the table next to him, neither of who was Sophie, giggled. Matt gave them a knowing glance and smirked. Mr Mahoney’s ruler came down on the girls, startling them. They quickly resumed their questions on probabilities.

‘Do you want to explain how it happened?’ Mr Mahoney said.

‘I’d rather not,’ Matt said, ‘We both might get into a lot of trouble.’

The girl’s muffled sniggers were not subtle at all as Mr Mahoney’s ruler came down again.

‘What do you mean by that Jefferson?’

‘Well it’s just a bit personal to ask about a girl’s lizard.’

One of the girl’s at the table whispered something about Sophie’s being particularly green. Matt stifled a laugh, but the other girl exploded into uncontrollable laughter and could not be stopped even by Mr Mahoney’s ruler. He yelled at her to stand outside his classroom. The other children were now becoming distracted. He called for quiet and after a couple of minutes the peace had restored.

‘Forget about Sophie’s lizard,’ Mr Mahoney said, causing Matt to smirk, ‘Where is your quadratic equation.’

Matt’s forehead crinkled as his eyes dashed downwards then back up at Mr Mahoney.

‘Sir, please be very careful as to what you’re asking here. I really don’t want either of us to get in trouble.’

‘Just show me your damn quadratic equations Jefferson!’ he yelled.

If Mr Mahoney had been able to keep an eye on the whole class and Matt, he would see the silence wasn’t because they were getting on with his work but because they held their collective breath in anticipation. Matt frowned and shrugged his shoulders. He unzipped the flies on his trousers. The class gasped.

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?!’ Mr Mahoney yelled.

‘Showing you my quadratic equation. You know, the one Sophie’s lizard ate.’

Matt winked at Mr Mahoney. The class erupted. Lots of children were swearing. For some reason someone threw a shoe. Slang was a hard thing to keep up with.