Sunday 17 August 2014

5) A Lecture on Passivity

Dr Grey stood before his first ever class. He had his lecture notes ingrained into his mind. The students stared with vacant eyes.

‘Morning,’ he said, ‘We must begin now, although this is the only imperative I hope to use today.’

Dr Grey smiled. Someone in the crowd coughed.

‘Quiet please, no actions will be tolerated during the lecture.’

He clicked to the first slide. It was a picture of the Swiss flag.

‘At this point I’d ask for questions as to what you think of when you think of Switzerland, but I don’t want to engage too much free thinking. Switzerland may be known for it’s cheese or chocolate or Large Had-’ No, Science was too active. ‘Or Zurich, but it is also renowned for being passive.’

He moved onto the next slide. A picture of soldiers in black and white pictures, smoking and standing around was shown.

‘The wonderful thing about Switzerland is that despite a world of conflict, they have remained passive always.’

A short, blonde woman put her hand up. It distracted Dr Grey.

‘Questions at the end please.’

The girl’s hand remained in the air. Dr Grey sighed and gestured toward her. A passive-aggressive movement. He would come back to that later in the lecture.

‘Well, it’s just that Switzerland have been involved in wars, many during the Napoleonic era of French history. Also, those are Belgian soldiers in the picture, not Swiss, and they were certainly involved in the war.’

Dr Grey stood without movement. Had he got all of this horribly wrong? A crowd of students at the back stood up and began to file out of the hall.

‘Urm, excuse me, please, there’s still more on passivity to come.’


They didn’t listen. They had all decided to exercise their right to act, to leave. As Dr Grey watched without protest, he wondered why there needed to be a lecture on this anyway. He cursed his university superior for suggesting this as a lecture title. He hadn’t even got to the funny part about his wife yet.

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