24) Banana Pants

‘You must be kidding me Sebastian,’ I said.

Sebastian snapped his fingers at me. The bangles on his wrist jangled as he picked them up again from the white table and waved them in the air as if it would make them more appealing.

‘Darling, do you see what I have here or are you blind?’ he said, rolling his eyes.

They were tiny shorts, neigh, underwear made from banana peels. The bright yellow colour was already browning in his hands. I imagined feeling slimy residue around my hips and shuddered.

‘This is too much,’ I said, ‘I mean Lady Gaga barely pulled off a meat dress. I am a young singer who has only just gotten her first number one. The most adventurous thing I ever wore before the fame was a pair of leopard print leggings. Sebastian, you have been a star, but I cannot wear those.’

Sebastian dropped the pants on table and rushed up close to me, flailing his hands around my face. I hated it when he did that; it was his way of taking control of the situation. He pressed his fingers on my lips as I opened my mouth to talk.

‘Darling, listen,’ he said, ‘I have been in this job for over fifteen years. And what turns a little girl with a one hit wonder into a chic superstar is fashion. Daring, adventurous fashion. These pants will make you a star. Everyone will say ‘Hey did you see that girl with the banana pants?’ and then they’ll listen to your music.’

I bit my lip. I imagine the thin strands in the inside of the peel getting stuck to the back of my calves as I walked down a red carpet. The press would have a field day. I shook my head again. He pressed his hands lightly on my shoulders to make me sit on a silver stool. His nose was pointier up close, his eyebrows more jagged.

‘Look darling, if you don’t wear the pants, I won’t design anything for you ever again. Which is a shame, because I want you to only wear what I make. So that would mean I’d have to tell all my big friends not to work with you. Then you’ll have no one. And that’ll make me sad. But it’ll make you sadder.’

His breath was minty and stung my nostrils. My arms trembled at my side. I looked over his shoulders at the pants.

‘I guess I could try them on.’

Sebastian clapped his hands together in my face. I jumped back on the stool and tried to catch my breath as Sebastian’s devil bangles jingled while he skipped to grab the pants.